Life is full of ironies. Mine especially so. Barely weeks ago, I was ready to attend the worst Medical college in the country if it meant I was on my way to becoming a doctor. Presented with ample options, however, I still wasn't content at being destined to attend one of the most prestigious colleges in the country just because it wasn't the most reputed one within reach. That many of these paradoxes are self-inflicted through our high expectations and low satisfaction is in itself rather ironic.
Random doses of philosophy aside, I was anxious for the dates for the second round of counselling to be put up. Two reasons - One, the very city that seemed like heaven when I was stuck in a dormitory in Trissur was practically burning like hell in what felt like the longest July of my life. I was bored out of my wits.
The second and more pressing reason was the fact that my dreams were threatening to fall apart akin to the state of the buildings of my assigned college. With each passing memory the place turned much worse a nightmare. But my impression of Chennai sort of diluted my passion for attending Stanley Govt. Medical College as well (First glance around the city? 100% tanning! Ouch, S.O.S.). Plus being put under half-century-temperatures-induced-house arrest sure turned me off all kinds of hot places - add to that the tropical climate and a journey home that stretches almost a day? Despite the genuine, sweet and helpful population there; "Count me out."
Kerala still didn't figure in my scheme of things. And Mysore? Just not right.
Then, the idea struck me. The lightning was provided by me, but thunder was courtesy my mother.
"Mom, I know the perfect choice: Bangalore Medical College!"
The immediate response, I suppose, would be inappropriate for a general audience.
Later, though:"Are you out of your mind? No, never, don't you dare asking me again!"
"But Mom! Don't you see? It's just meant to be! The college is one of the best (comes in the top ten all the time! Check this out, won't you?), is in Bangalore, where Lubi can always keep an eye on me, and, and..."
I read the rest from BMC's impressive Wikipedia entry which manages to pacify my mother just microscopically.
She still wouldn't budge. When I show her the previous year's ranks that got into the college, clearly showing I had a chance, all my mom could respond with was that her colleague's kids had attended different colleges in the notorious city to come out "alcohol, drug and sex addicts", mercifully not all at the same time.
Like mother, like daughter, I was stubborn not to give up. I tried playing a different card game altogether. This time with my partners in crime, Dad and Lubna. While my father was initially as reluctant as my mother, he eventually saw the larger picture and gave in. My sister had naturally assumed I'd choose Bangalore over Mysore and was in fact herself preparing to convince everyone else so.
Slowly zapping each obstacle out, I started living in a fantasy world. In my then-inflated head, BMC was awaiting me with outstretched arms.
So, when July 30th had been put up as the day I was to mount my medical throne, I was all ready to embark on an adventure that was set to begin with my first time on Emirates 2 days earlier. Landing in Bangalore International Airport on my sister's 24th birthday was itself a living dream - 18 years of exposure to the International terminal at Cochin sure notched up the former's standards by a mile. Next came the reunion of four sisters and a brother-in-law as my younger one Naila flew in with me, while Leena had arrived two days earlier.
But no time for Bollywood-style celebrations.
We had to reach Mysore in less than 3 hours, get the signature of a Principal who was guaranteed never to be around during visiting hours and flit back to Bangalore where we'd to pack and leave in no time.
Impossible is nothing - that's us.
Not only did we manage to do all that, I showed Leena around my soon-to-be-former campus and ensured I bid an insincere goodbye to the college.
"Don't be too sure...," the birthday girl cautioned with ever-increasing wisdom.
Off to Chennai, not before my sisters screamed an infinite number of times for me to check and recheck all papers were in order, aboard a late night train, I kept dreaming about BMC, although deep down felt it all too good to be true. Everyone in the family kept advising me to consider other options, 'just in case', but to me it was all or none. If it comes to the worst and I don't get either of the remaining 2 seats, I'll just let my instincts take over and choose the first college that comes to mind - that was the risk I was willing to take.
The morning of the allotment I was suprisingly calm. I guess I had exhausted my quota of panic attacks. Even at the counselling centre, as I witness the last but one seat getting occupied, I was willing to hang on to the belief that I'd get into the college that's best for me. I slowly loosen my grip over Bangalore and ready my fingers to grasp whatever's thrown my way. Naturally, my life is never short of excitement to let me settle down to practicing the intricate movements of my digits; just when I'm asked to submit my documents do I realize that a crucial one is missing.
I was too irritated with myself to even come up with an effective curse.
Suddenly the entire picnic of a family that had accompanied me to the centre was running around the whole place trying to come up with a solution. My sisters tried their best not to get me tense while at the same time making sure I felt bad about my negligence. My brother-in-law was dialling away frantically, switching from one place to the other to get whatever was asked for in hand as fast as possible. I, meanwhile, was busy debating college selections in my head. So much for the calm before the storm. What was I to do if I lost BMC?
Do I go for my original choice of Stanley, where 6 seats still remained?
Ought I stick to my hometown in Trichur where the lone remainder was tempting me to a seat I had never considered?
Or should I stay with Mysore Medical College, which was in a really nice place geographically, had my sister's cozy apartment barely 3 hours away, would (according to Dad) present me with lot more opportunities for Post graduate studies, give me an opportunity to learn a foreign language, and what not. I called my parents up a last time, discussed with my sisters and the tally was: Trichur - 2, Mysore - 2, Chennai - 0.
Sadly I retrace my steps up the familiar stairs and make my way into the final room. My head was swimming slightly and I just wanted to run out of the very place that had made a freak show of me a few weeks back, much to my pride. I talk to a few of the other candidates in the room and was happy to note that no one was aiming for the seat in Bangalore. I might have a shot after all.
Everything was going in my favor. Perhaps there was no need to be so negative - I dared to hope again.
Soon it was almost my chance. Just one more kid from the Kolkata centre and it would be my turn to declare-
"-KA01, Bangalore Medical College"
That was enough to snap me out of it. Did I just hear the candidate right before me, that too from far East, select the ultimate seat in the college of my dreams? I was getting used to last-minute prayers by now. But I still didn't know how to handle myself when I'm on the verge of tears.
"Mr.______, UR-rank___, would you please confirm your selection?"
"I, ______, UR-rank___, would like to confirm my selection of the seat for MBBS in Bangalore Medical College, KA01..."
I couldn't stop that first tear from rolling down my cheek, but I managed to compose myself. It was all over. I didn't care where I ended up anymore. Whatever college comes to mind at that moment, I'll just say that, I decided.
"I, Lamya Ibrahim, rank no. UR- 1137, would like to..."
Suddenly, the Kannada letters I had painstakingly practiced over the last few days dance in front of my eyes. And I know what to say.
"... retain my seat for MBBS at Mysore Medical College and Reseach Institute, KA04..."
The room looks sympathetically in my direction. Everyone knew I had my sights set upon "KA01", but I just shrug, smile sheepishly, collect my stuff and quietly exit the cabin, like a widow leaving her husband's funeral...
The missing document no longer an issue, we made our way out of the centre, dying to reach home after yet another emotional roller coaster ride.
It took me atleast 2 days for the reality to sink in. By that time, Leena bid a teary farewell and rode back to Trivandrum. My remaining sisters and Jeeju tried to lift my spirits, but a lot in vain.
I started mentally preparing myself for a life-long course that was to begin in an 86-year-old college and passively counted down the hours to August 2nd.
The day classes were scheduled to begin, I woke up at 4 in the morning. Not because of excitement per se, but a bout of sickness that saw me back in bed even at the intended time of departure. That was it - the day that was to mark my beginning as a doctor, I end up a patient confined to bed rest.
Irony strikes again.
